Talking about adoption

There are approx. 120,000 children in US foster care who cannot be reunified with their families and could be adopted. The fees are very minimal and affordable - about 1/10th of what private infant or international adoption (IA) costs. Many people fear that these children are "damaged" and thus go overseas, but the children coming out of orphanages are similarly 'damaged.' Further advantage of this type of adoption is that you can have the child in your home and see if it is a good "fit" before committing to adopting. Remember the case of the woman who sent the boy back to Russia alone because she couldn't cope with his acting out? This is not as isolated as it appeared to be! Many people adopt internationally and find the children very troubled and disturbed, some a danger to other children in their family...and they cannot legally send them back or place them in foster care. Adoption is forever and you have to provide health care etc for the child's life. Tori Hansen is currently being sued for just that.

It is also a myth that there are thousands of children "languishing" in orphanages - other than older or disabled children, just as here. The fact is that 90% of children in orphanages worldwide are not orphans but have at least one living parent and/or extended family planning to reunite their family as was the case with the two children Madonna adopted. Many such people have no concept of permanent adoption of their children. People all over the world are exploited for their ignorance, asked to sign papers they cannot read; told their children are going to the US Europe of an education.

Many caring people wanting to adopt for purely altruistic reasons chose reputable agencies, and have inadvertently adopted children who were stolen or kidnapped to meet a demand. Child traffickers label kidnapped children abandoned and it is virtually impossible to verify otherwise. In nations that have ceased IA because of corruption, the number of allegedly “abandoned” babies dropped to almost zero. When adoptions were resumed, the number of said “abandoned” babies rose back up again to meet the demand!

The tens of thousands of dollars paid by westerners to adopt are far too likely to be used to support traffickers and such fees also prevent local residents from adopting within many nations because they cannot compete financially with fees set based on demand.

A far more humane and altruistic way to help children- and families in need -using that same amt of money to help build schools, dig wells or buy medical supplies. You can support families and children in need through SOS For Children, Save the Child and many other non-profits who work in impoverished areas and know that adoption should be a last resort because taking children one at a time does nothing to ameliorate the poverty of their family, village or nation.

Here is some VITAL READING for anyone considering adoption:

Orphaned or Stolen: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/schuster-institute-for-investigative-journalism/orphaned-or-stolen-the-us_b_825451.html

Duped by Indian adoption agency, US family cautions couples. http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics/nation/Duped-by-Indian-adoption-agency-US-family-cautions-couples/articleshow/5964751.cms

Read Julia Rollings story at: http://bittersweet-story.blogspot.com/

Read also: The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/12/11/the-lie-we-love

The works of David Smolin on child trafficking: works.bepress.com/david_smolin/1/

Re China, read:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/nyregion/chinas-adoption-scandal-sends-chills-through-families-in-united-states.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/adoption-stories/200909/la-times-chinese-babies-stolen-foreign-adoption

http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/5824/

http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/jan-2009/juliafuller/was-baby-you-adopted-china-stolen-or-purchased

Re Ethiopia: http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/2010/05/must-see-video-news-report-about-child.html

http://www.ethicanet.org/ethiopia-to-cut-foreign-adoptions-by-up-to-90-percent

Mirah Riben author, THE STORK MARKET: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry

Thank you, I will look in to those with my husband.

Hi Blueyes2685. I think it's great that you and your husband are considering adoption.

You might be interested in the below link, which deals with issues and strategies for adoptive parents. I found it very useful.

Resource:
http://www.onlineceucredit.com/ceus-online/cpa-adoptive-parent/continuing-education.html

Kgeorge,

Thank you. I'm about to look at that link now.

Heather

It might be a positive thing to foster a child before you consider adoption.This will give you good insight and experience re raising a child that is not a natural child. I have both fostered several children and adopted. My foster baby after one year of being with us needed a permanent family and home, the next and most natural step was for us to adopt her.

Really like the post from Family Advocate. I have seen adoption fraud first hand, and it can be a complete disaster. The agencies benefit by not telling you the truth about the child you are adopting. Foster Care is no better, because they want you to assume the financial responsibility for the child.

One of the great fallacies is that of the adoptable child. A child is a person. If the child does not want to be adopted, and is bonded to his family (regardless of heinous abuse), your adoption will likely fail as the child tries to sabotage the relationship, regardless of your best intentions, therapy, love, etc. This is, of course, not universally the case, I have known some successful adoptions of older children, but what the parents dealt with to make it work was not the stuff for first time adopters. It takes skill and 24/7 attention. That can wear you out pretty quickly if both parents are working. Do your homework. Look at hundreds of pictures of kids with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, so you can see it, because it complicates the picture so severely. There are adoptive families that specialize in taking in these kids, but often they do that in a large adoptive family setting with other damaged kids, essentially creating an orphanage in their home, This seems, sometimes, to work better because the kids feel less pressured to bond.

Finally, never think that an adoptive child is going to be grateful to have been adopted. The love you feel for the child may not be reciprocated.

Best of luck to you.

www.iowa kidsnet 18002430756 this is the adoption web sight for iowa.I have adopted 4 kids through them.I am pleased to say I am a proud mother of 9 kids.WE are not a orphanage.NORE ARE WE OFFERING A WAY OUT OF BONDING LADY.We are alot closer famiely then most!I was a foster child.I can tell you all about bad homes and good ones.I have lots of kids YES.I LOVE every one of them,I am proud to say!!!! I know better then most about kids. They all want you to love and to cair to listen and to understand them.Yah it is true they love there bioligical parents as they should.That does not make the child bad.After all if you found out you were adopted how would you feel.foster kids feel too.They deserve to be loved and caired about.Fostering foster kids youll get the chance to find a new part of your self change a life and to understand how we all need each other in this big world.I have a child with fetal alchole effects.She is the sweetest most loveing child.She is loved by all of us and she gets read too every day we hold her and she laughes and plays.She has a smile that would brighten your darkest day.Dont be afraid to Love a child who can love you back.Now I could brag about all my kids 2 are CNA's another is getting ready to start collage.2 others are getting ready to be in collage for kids.fostr kids can be adopted they can make you a proud parent.You can love them just as much as if you had them.I know that 1st hand.What ever you deside is best for you I will be happy for you.I am shure you'll be good parents if you long to Love dont be afraid of adopting a child from foster cair.And it is true there is alot of scams out there so check out the lawyer or agency before you do anything.Good luck!!Oh one more thing foster cair offers you classes to understand your foster chid and they have support groups to.

i dont have any legel advice but i would like to tell u about my family.my biological grandmother had 2 children that she had adopted(seperatly).she later had 2 she kept.the boy(my uncle)went on to have a string of businesses.the girl(my mum)runs a charity.the girl she kept is an alcoholic whos daughter is disabled due to her being to drunk to seek medical help when her kid had a virus.the boy is in his 40s,livin at home with no job and no relationship.my adoptive grandparents were amazing.when i was a child my mum had an accident and was in a wheelchair for a year.my grandad moved in,took care of us kids and my mum.bathed her and fed her etc.my nanna had us every school holiday,helped out with cash and was just there.(my mum was a single parent)they were not rich.my nanna didnt work and grandad was a train driver.but they never saw my mum as their adoptive daughter.she was just their little girl.adopting a child.and giving it love and a good home doesnt just help that child.it helps the people they help,and their children and their granchildren.without my adoptive grandparents i could have had the crappy childhood my cousin had.as my mum found her biological mother in her 20s i grew up knowing her.i dont talk to her.i dont want her near my son.i find her cold and as far as i am concerned she is not my nanna.thats the woman who baked my birthday cakes and made me a catwoman costume when i was 7.i hope this helps x

Adopt! please, i was adopted & i couldnt be happier, i just recently found my birth mother & we met for the first time since i was 3 days old, 2 weeks ago. i have her whole family, & my adoptive family. im blessed. please adopt from foster care, it will help. all adopted children are 'damaged' but loving homes heal!