found out at 20yrs

Have an honest conversation with your now parents and ask them about the adoption, they will tell you what you need to know. God bless them for raising you. Wishing you all the happiness. God bless you.

I was adopted, i was taking away from my real mother when i was 8months old. I knew growing up i was adopted. My parents that adopted me only had very little info on me that my real name was Maria no middle or last name. I only spoke Spanish. But i was just reunited with my real family march 12,2011. an in july i went 2 boston to meet them in person. I am 35 yrs old. I'm truly thankful my siblings were the one's to find me. I struggle every day to accept the fact this is real an not a dream. Sadly i haven't spoke with my real mother in 4 months due 2 what images i remember when i was 8months old an they were not good one's. If anyone like to know more about my situation or was also reunited with there family Id b glad to share or seek advice ty

I was adopted at 6 months, met my birthmother and birth father as a teen. I know you feel like it matters at the moment because it's new and confusing and you're trying to sort it out in your own head, so you think i.formation is important. But at the end of the day, you're still you, and your parents will never change. The same ones are your parents. I'm sure they just want to protect you, don't jump to conclusions, you might not get the whole story..stuff always comes out later.

Good luck,
Taryn

First off, is the information you received from the family friend accurate? How did they come by this information? Why would they wait til now to tell you? What was their reason for telling you? Did you have suspicions and ask them for confirmation?

Second, you need to talk to your parents, ask them for the truth and be prepared to accept the truth. They will either confirm or deny, do you trust them to be honest with you? If they deny, will you be able to accept it as truth? If they confirm, will you be willing to listen to their reasons for holding the info back from you? Will they be any less your parents if you were adopted? Will having been adopted make the love you have for your parents void?

I am not adopted, but I have adopted four children from the foster system. A sibling group of four. The older three know they were adopted as they were 5, 8, and 11 when they came to live with us. the youngest was only 2 days old. By the time the youngest child's adoption was final, she was only 2 years old. We could have raised her without her knowing she was adopted, but we felt that it was better she was raised knowing it, even if she didn't understand what it meant.

But not every parent feels that way. Some parents feel they don't want the child to know they were adopted cause they want them to grow up like any other kid. They fear if the child knows, they may have feelings of not having been wanted by their bio parents and therefore something must be wrong with them if their own parents didn't want them. And so they hold back that info as their way of protecting their child. And some, like me and my husband, feel it is better for the child to grow up knowing that they were adopted so they will never have to deal with the feeling of having been lied to their whole life when it finally does come out. And likely feeling like they have no clue who they are or where they fit in in this world because they feel like their whole life has been a lie.

I am going to assume that the info you got was indeed accurate and that you are an adopted child. So, now you have to ask questions and listen to the answers objectively. You should to talk to your parents and get confirmation. You should ask why they never told you. You should listen to their story with an open mind. You also should ask yourself if knowing who your bio parents are will make a difference in how you see yourself. You should ask yourself if your life would have been any different if you had known sooner that you were adopted. Would knowing who your bio parents are have made any difference in who you are now? And, now that you know you are adopted, does being adopted make your parents less your parents than what they were as you were growing up? Does now knowing you are adopted lessen the love you have for your parents? does it lessen your parents love for you?

These are all things you need to consider before you come to any sort of conclusions about yourself, your parents, and your adoption.

I don't know if my comments will be helpful to you or not, but I hope you find some sort of direction in my words.

I understand how hard it is to find out you are adopted at a later age. I was 16 when I found out, my great grandmother decided to tell me. I was raised by my birth mother who was extremely cold with me, and adopted by her husband when I was a year old. It hurt a lot because they had lied to me my whole life and never told me he was not my biological father. I might have felt diffrent about finding out if either of my parents had not been so emotionally and physically abusive to me, I could have probably accepted it easier if I had felt really loved. What made things worse was after I found out and I asked my parents, my mother became enraged and also told me that she had always hated me because I reminded her of my bio-father, then my adopted dad chimed in and said, you are just like your "real father". For 16 years I thought he was my REAL FATHER. It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet, like I couldn't breathe.
I am thirtysomething now, and I have to say finding out like that and what was said to me still haunts me, I still hear those words in my dreams and wake up crying. I have struggled to find some self-esteem and feel worth even to this day.
I hope your situation is better than mine was. I pray that your adopted parents love you and will support you emotionally so that whatever else happens in life you will be strong enough to deal with it.